Being involved with someone who has suffered from trauma such as physical or emotional abuse, the tragic loss of loved ones, accidents or abandonment in the past can expose you to a whirlwind of unstable emotions from your partner, including fear, shame, confusion, mistrust, feelings of helplessness, guilt, isolation and hopelessness as your partner strives to move past the trauma. However, if you are up for the challenge you can enjoy your relationship while helping to facilitate healing for your partner.
Encourage Outside Help
More extreme cases of traumatic experiences may require more help than you are able to offer. Serious cases of trauma may affect how your partner interacts with you and could place a strain on your relationship. If you realize that they are having a hard time coping with their past, suggest that they talk with a counselor or a therapist experienced with cases of trauma. Helplines are also available for people facing many different issues. Your partner may feel more comfortable speaking with someone anonymously. Be understanding if there are some details of their experiences that may be too painful for them to share with you.
Get Educated
Learn all that you can about the particular issue with which your partner is struggling. Start with the guidance office at school or your doctor’s office — these offices often display informational pamphlets on various subjects that are free for the taking. Take advantage of the wealth of valuable information that the Internet has to offer on reputable websites with well researched articles. Make sure to choose reputable websites, such as those published by medical doctors or government agencies, because they are more likely to present accurate information. The more you know, the better able you may be to deal with certain behaviours as they arise.
Be Ready to Listen
Encourage your partner to talk to you and share what they are feeling. Be willing to listen whenever they want to talk. Expressing their hurt to someone they know truly cares for them can be a form of release and healing. This may go a long way in helping to break down some of their barriers. Hearing about their issues may also draw you closer as you learn about their fears and start to understand them. Use these moments to open up and share your own experiences and feelings about coping in the relationship.
No More Than You Can Bear
Being involved with someone with a traumatized past may put you in uncomfortable positions. You may be forced to tread cautiously around them for fear of how they may react based on their current state of mind. If you find yourself in a relationship with someone who requires more time and energy than you are able to give, then you must make a decision on what is best for you and your mental and physical well-being. When you continually interact with someone who suffers from past trauma, you may not leave the relationship unscathed. Recognize when you just need to be a friend and nothing more.
