Communicating is not always easy between the partners in a relationship. Oftentimes, you become so caught up with issues surrounding money, raising the kids and satisfying your partner that talks are more eruptive than anything else. For you to maintain a successful relationship you must find ways to maneuver the inevitable ups and downs in your relationship. Getting better at communicating means being just as ready to listen as you are to make yourself heard.

Pay attention
Pay attention to what your partner is saying. Listening well means that they will be aware that you’re completely tuned in to what they are saying. Paying attention begins with maintaining eye contact. Alternate looking directly in their eyes and at a point on their face. Your body language can also tell them that they have your full attention. If this is a conversation about a serious issue, try not to multitask during the talk. Stand or sit facing your partner during the conversation. Lean in. Try to stay focused on what is being said and less on what you want to say in response.

Schedule time to talk
Make dates to communicate. One of the greatest issues with communication in some relationships is that it doesn’t happen often enough or is virtually non-existent. Therefore, you should try to set aside special times to talk to each other, whether this means inputting a date in your planner or a shared calendar. Choose a place and time where you are less likely to be disturbed. You may also consider shutting off and out any possible distractions. Get a sitter for the children, put your phones on silent and ignore the doorbell.

Avoid communicating when emotions are running high
Refuse to have discussions when emotions are running high. When you’re upset it can be difficult for you to focus on much else except how badly you’re feeling. This is not the best time to have an effective or rational conversation. If you notice that your heart is beating increasingly faster and you’re feeling a buildup of tension, suggest that you stop the discussion and make plans to continue at a later time, when you’ve calmed down. Communicating when you are angry or hurt makes it more likely that you will say something that you will regret later.

Make Space for Flexibility
Be gracious in your communication with your partner. Remember that good communication involves a balance of give and take. You need to be just as willing to listen as you are to speak and be heard. Don’t expect to win in every discussion. Be ready to compromise or admit that you are wrong and then work on coming up with solutions together from there. Sometimes you need to know when to “back off” and end an argument or discussion if it means that it will maintain peace and harmony in your relationship.