Being intimate with someone can be an extraordinary experience. However, the deep connection that you feel with your partner may be accompanied by the anxiety to please that other person as much as possible. Understanding the relationship between intimacy and anxiety can help you experience more fulfilling relationships.
Afraid to Show the Real You
Partners in a relationship share intimate details. You tell each other your secrets, your dreams, your likes and dislikes. Eventually you may be able to easily tell the difference between what makes your partner happy or what irritates them. The more you share and spend time together, the more you may fear that they may see something in you that they do not like. You may fear that they will reject you as they decide that they really don’t want to be with you. Understand that opening yourself up will make you more likely to fully enjoy the joy of being in love.
Fear of Making a Commitment
To prevent yourself from getting hurt or being rejected, you may try to avoid getting too deeply involved with others. Some people build walls around themselves. You may adopt a “standoffish” attitude so that no one gets close enough to connect emotionally. You may shrug off compliments or ignore friendly comments on your social media page. Dare to connect with others when you get the chance. Return emails. Respond to likes and comments on social media. Take a leap of faith in letting others get close.
Pull and Push Away
Anxiety about connecting intimately can cause you to sabotage your relationships, especially when things start getting intense. You might pick fights, saying or doing things that will annoy your partner. You might become inconsistent, arriving late or not showing up for planned activities. You might become withdrawn, letting days go by without communicating with your partner. In extreme cases, the fear of getting too close may even increase the chances of you cheating. Begin to overcome the fear of being hurt by learning to value yourself (faults and all) along with those of your partner. Build trust and intimacy by being more consistent: call when you say you will and avoid cancelling plans.
Aim to Please
Anxiety about being rejected can cause you to do as much as possible to make your partner happy. You want to feel appreciated and may sometimes go overboard in getting their approval. You may feel that whatever you do is not good enough, so you keep doing more. The solution to this cycle is to learn how to value yourself. When you truly value yourself and open yourself to the vulnerability that stems from a deep connection with another person, you increase your chances at having an unforgettably positive experience.
